By Charles Wheelan
Refreshingly sincere suggestion and observations on happiness, good fortune, and the realm lurking past the campus gates.
Modeled on Charles Wheelan’s 2011 category Day Speech at Dartmouth university, this selection of refreshingly sincere suggestion and observations is the antidote to these cotton-candy platitudes which are all too typical to somebody who’s ever worn a mortarboard. Armed with a PhD in public coverage, decades of expertise in social technology study, and—perhaps so much important—good-natured humor, Wheelan bargains up 10½ head-turning aphorisms on happiness and luck that anybody staring down the barrel of commencement must listen yet most likely hasn’t heard but. Celebrated New Yorker cartoonist Peter Steiner provides a marginally of caprice together with his irreverent illustrations sprinkled all through. 15 illustrations
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Additional resources for 10 1/2 Things No Commencement Speaker Has Ever Said
Clean, modest, moral, nunlike, platonic, priest-like, pure, spotless, stainless, undefiled, unknown to men, unknown to women, unripe fruit, unspoiled, unstained, unsullied, untouched, upright, vestal, virginal, virtuous, wholesome, without sin Mr. Clean: refers to a brand name household cleaner; links cleanliness with sexual restraint. Cheat on (to) see Adultery, Cuckoldry, Mistress Few current slang terms for monogamy exist, with the amusing exception o/monotony. basketeer, burn, cat around, chippy on, cruise, dilly-dally, dog on, doublecross, engage in an extra-marital affair, engage in extracurricular activities, fan one's ass, fan one's pussy, fish, flag, flirt, fool around, give up rhythm, go on a fishing expedition, hit and run, horse around, jack around, jazz around, Philander: from the Greek philandros, meaning loving men.
Despoil, devirginate, devirginize, dock, first (be one's), feel up, foraminate, get through, have, hymen climbin', lose it, make damaged goods, manhandle, mess with, muck about with, paw, perforate, pick one's cherry, pick one's lock, pierce, pluck, pluck one's cherry, pop a cherry, pop one open, pop one's cork, punch, puncture, ransack, rape, ravage, ravish, ruin, scutde, seduce, split one's cup, spoil, take one's cherry, trim, trim one's buff, violate, wrack of maidenhead Crack Judy's teacup: refers to copulation with a virgin; the vessel, though not broken, is cracked or blemished.
Kazoo, keel, keester, keister, la-la, labonza, lard ass, latter end, limb, little Mary, luds, male tail, moon, mottob, mudflaps, Mottob: an example of slang derived from backward spelling. nachas, nates, nockandro, North Pole, oil bags, paddies, parking place, parts behind, pod, poop, pooper, posteriors, postern, prat, prats, pressed ham, promontories, quoit, rass, rear, rear end, royal buns, rumble seat, rumdadum, rump, rumpus, rumpus delecti, rusty dusty, saddle leather, scut, seat, seat of the pants, sess, sit-me-down, sit-upon, sitter, sitting room, snatch, sotting, Tokus (also tochas, tockus):from Yiddish for buttocks.