Download 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online by Mark Miller PDF

By Mark Miller

Now a number of years post-divorce, courting professional and slapstick comedian Mark Miller has skilled greater than first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of fifty-five humor essays, Miller good points the highlights and lowlights of these dates.
Among the real courting stories and revelations you'll find during this ebook are:

• How Miller and his date discovered the constraints of a guy being too emotionally expressive. (“Most men think of revealing extra approximately themselves emotionally and speaking on a deeper point approximately as stress-free as falling face-first onto an ice pick—or spending the remainder of eternity hearing Celine Dion music.")

• Miller's attention that usually males need to pay a heavy rate for his or her dates' prior courting behavior.("At least six various occasions, God has matched me up with a lady who has had an extended heritage of untamed, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred intercourse. She normally unearths whatever missing in that way of life and makes a decision to make a transformation. beginning with the very subsequent guy she dates. who's consistently me.")

• Miller's erroneous social scan to split courting from prestige through spending under $20 at the date, deciding to buy every little thing at a 99¢ shop, and what he discovered, therefore, approximately his date and himself. (“I detect now that at the trip of romance, thrift and creativity will take you simply to date - for the remainder of the journey, you'll desire MasterCard.")

• printed for the 1st time the interior workings of a man's brain.
("Cerebellum. chargeable for coordinating flow and holding stability. Used essentially whilst a guy has had 8 beers and is endeavoring to make his strategy to the rest room with out tripping over the puppy and pulling the fish tank over on most sensible of them.")

• How Miller took his date to his ex-wife's vacation social gathering merely to discover his date and his ex-wife bonding like highschool girlfriends. (“Pam may take Amy apart and current to her a listing of all 273 of my failings, such a lot of which, she confides to Amy, won't develop into obvious until eventually month 3 of Amy's being with me. Amy is shocked; she'd in basic terms been conscious of 149 of my failings.")
But 500 Dates is ready even more than courting. Its humor essays additionally disguise romance, relationships, breakups, allure, the character of affection, and the way either women and men view the artwork, technological know-how, expectancies, and truth of courtship and turning courtship into anything deeper and longer lasting within the twenty-first century. all through those essays, a component of that have been formerly released in a number of media, Miller offers a feeling of desire approximately one's romantic clients. Readers will locate that the top of a wedding, even a long term one, doesn't suggest the top of romance—or one's humorousness.

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Extra info for 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating

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Still flying. And then we began to ascend. Tarawa gone. The blue ocean. The blue sky. Again. The pilot spoke: “Ah . . sorry about that. There were pigs on the runway. ” The pilot’s voice revealed nothing. No tremor. No gulping for air. No crackling of the chords to indicate that we had very nearly met a most pathetic end, the unknown void, courtesy of errant swine. We made a second approach, landed, and in the rush fleetingly saw children on the side of the runway, as if they had been playing in a suburban cul-de-sac and had given way for a passing car.

My mother, inexplicably, was not opposed to this and we were about to give notice to our landlord when Sylvia called me at work and asked if I would be inclined to move to a small atoll in the Equatorial Pacific and whether I would be able to do so in about three weeks’ time. She had been offered a position as country director for the Foundation for the Peoples of the South Pacific–Kiribati Office. Five seconds later I quit my job. Then I called Sylvia back. ” CHAPTER 2 In which the Author reveals the Fruit of his Research into the Strange Island Nation he has declared his new Home (which leaves much unknown), compensates for his Ignorance with his Lively Imagination (which is inadequate, very much so), and Packs (inappropriately).

It was often suggested to me by concerned family members that I should get my foot in the door with a midsized newspaper. I rejected this out of hand. I was familiar enough with journalism to know that were I to cover a news-type event I would rapidly lose all my journalistic-like composure, discard all my faculties of reason, and descend into a stifling murk of uncertainty and fear. I knew this because when I lived in Prague I had been an actual journalist. An English-language weekly newspaper had generously agreed to assign me to real stories based on the masterpiece that was my analysis of the Saudi oil industry, a twenty-page, richly textured, subtly nuanced, carefully crafted display of plagiarism, which earned me a B+ during my junior year of college.

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